Article

How to settle an argument fairly: five methods

28 October 2026 · 5 min read

An argument about where to go tonight is not settled by arguments: the two sides simply want different things. What helps here is not logic but procedure — a method agreed in advance that nobody can call rigged.

Why reasoning does not work

In a household argument the winner is not the one who is right but the one who is more persistent. Ten minutes in, people are defending not an option but their position. A draw cuts that loop: it does not establish who is right, it appoints a decision. That is its main function — not fairness, but finality.

Method 1. A coin

The fastest option when the choice is binary: pizza or sushi, cinema or a walk. The upside is that you need nothing but a coin. The downside is that the process is easy to challenge: “you flipped it wrong”, “I did not see it”, “let us do it again”. A coin works when both sides already agree they will accept either outcome.

Method 2. The wheel

It works when there are more than two options. The wheel's strength is the visible list: everyone can see it contains exactly what was agreed and that nothing is hidden. The spin itself takes a few seconds, and the result cannot be “recounted” — it is already drawn on the screen.

What matters is that the list is built before the spin, not during it. If someone adds an option while the wheel is turning, the whole procedure loses its meaning.

Method 3. A counting rhyme

The playground classic: a rhythmic chant and a count around the circle. It works well with children, for whom the ritual matters more than the result. In a group of adults it looks odd and is easy to derail: “you are out of rhythm”. As a fair mechanism it is weaker than the wheel; as a way to release tension it is stronger.

Method 4. First past the post

A race, rock-paper-scissors, “whoever touches the door first”. It suits playful and physical situations but requires an honest simultaneous start. If one of the participants starts the race, they get an advantage — and the argument flares up again. Indoors, with two adults, better not.

Method 5. A fixed rota

Sometimes you do not need randomness, you need “it is not me deciding”. Then a deterministic order works: alphabetical, by date of birth, taking turns since last time. It is fair precisely because it is predictable: nobody can suspect a rigged draw, since there is no draw at all.

Which one fits your situation

• Two options, everyone in a hurry — a coin.
• Three or more, a group — the wheel: the list and the process are visible.
• Children — a counting rhyme, the ritual is what matters.
• A sporty crowd — first past the post, but with a simultaneous start.
• You need the responsibility off your shoulders — a fixed rota.

What not to do

Do not gamble with something a person is not ready to lose: money they need, someone else's belongings, a week-long obligation. A draw is good for small things where the cost of a mistake is low. And do not turn it into punishment: if losing feels humiliating, the argument does not end — it turns into resentment.

Next: “The wheel for a group: draws without hurt feelings” and “How to build a list of options”.